India and I: Surrender

Firstly, let me take you down the lane of memories:

The Arabic Sea near the Bandra-Worli      

Bridge and the Bandra Fort in Mumbai. It is one of my favorite parts in the big city. Interesting fact: with a bit walking, we ended up in Bollywood, India's answer to Hollywood.

 The valley in the ruddy mountains in     Ooty. Ooty is one of the most "local" towns Violet and I had ever visited in India. Very small, not quite alike other towns in India, and a gorgeous spot to visit. 

Varkala Beach is my favorite beach in India. During our stay there, the storm came. Lightening thundered and rolled very nearby. Rain poured, soaking the small trail that connects all the hotels, restaurants and massage centers. We spent hours in the dark at a bar, chatting over candles and enjoying our drinks, before we decided to run to our hotel, treading carefully on the wet trail atop the cliff.  

We were the bumbling idiots in Kanniyakurai. We missed the real sunrise because we thought we already saw the rising of the Sun. We did not see the perfect sunset due to the evening fog. However, we comforted ourselves by eating parotta. A lot of parotta. Our all-time favorite meal in India. 

Behold the god of parotta. This man cooked the best food in India for us. Twice. He remembered our order at our second visit. It's magical to watch him cooking; he had two of the fastest hands I ever saw and was so extraordinarily effortless in slapping the dough, stirring up the mixture, and sweeping up the parotta. He is the god of parotta. 

Nepal, Nepal, Nepal. My heart sings at the very thought of you. Mountains everywhere. A place to find adventures, adventurers and to be adventurous. Many went to Nepal only to return with magic to remember and peace to feel. Nepal is in my future.

We walked to Nepal. We walked to India. International border security fascinates me in general, and I feel it is my duty to report that it is very possible to reach Nepal via India by foot and to India via Nepal by foot. Just don't forget your passport and be sure to find a place to get your departure and arrival stamps.

The Ganges River in Varanasi is holy indeed. While I am not a big believer in viewing something holier than other things, I can understand why they consider this river holy. It certainly has a mystic touch. If you observe the river as a whole, you'll see buildings surrounding it. On the right, there was darkness, blackness, and ashes, where bodies were blessed in the holy water and burned in the fire. On the left, there was light, brightness and music, where monks perform their sacred rituals to honor the holiness of life and death. 

Ah, one of the Seven Wonders of the World, India's Taj Mahal. From afar, it was white. Up close, there were beautifully delicate details on the place, little paintings and tiny carvings. Taj Mahal's ivory coloring was actually designed to reflect the changes of the day. As the sun set, the ivory Taj Mahal began to blush with a pink tint. That's when we left to catch our train to Jaipur. 

We ended our trip with a three-day camel safari in Jaisalmer. A very glorious experience to bond with my camel (Ahmed, I call him), to watch the sun fading into the night, to look up to the stars, and to sleep in the desert, feeling as if I had been enveloped by peace. Life is wonderful.

Okay, now back to my thoughts . . .

           Facing myself. Literally.

So.

My seven-week adventure in India had finally reached the finish line.

What do I think of India? 

Hmm.

Let's be honest. 

It is a simple question to which I have a complex answer.

The best answer I can offer is that I feel about India the same way I feel about my brothers. 

My brothers and me, we are three very different people. One is getting married to his girlfriend of three years, whom I haven't met and whose wedding I will miss. One is a math wizard working on his Ph.D in a field I barely understand. 

As for me, well, I got my nose pierced in the same year I got my Master's in Linguistics and left the United States (hope you'd still love me, mom). 

While growing up with two brothers so distinct from me in personality and way of life, it was quite a struggle to love them completely when I did not understand how the fuck we all managed to be born into the same family. 

We fought all the time and spent a lot of time avoiding each other. 

It took our father's death to bring us back together, really together, as in being an actual trio of siblings. We got along fantastically and loved each other fiercely during our most painful time and came to recognize each other's strengths. We really saw how each of us contributed to our family. We came to truly respect each other. 

We haven't perfected the fine art of being siblings, but I think we're finding comfort in being a dysfunctional trio. 

We are surrendering to our differences and are granting each other permission to live differently from each other. 

That is how I feel about India.

I did not fall in love with India.

I had my moments of thoroughly despising everything related to India.

India annoyed me. It pissed me off at times. At other times, India was very affectionate towards me. It warmed me. 

To be fair to India, I can be such a bratty bitch sometimes. My brothers knew how I was (I hope they also remember how utterly adorable I can be sometimes). 

India tugged on and nudged against my heart like my brothers had done, proving both its challenge and its worth to be loved.

It is only when I gave up resisting India's differences and surrendered to its uniqueness did I learn to love India in the same way I love my brothers. 

It is not an easy love, a happy fondness, a sweet affection. 

It is an emotional love filled with memories of ancient grudges, familiar joys, and hard-earned respect. 

I wanted to love India like others professed to love. I wanted to adore India like my Indian friends have. I wanted to dream pleasant dreams every time I think of India.

But I am me, whoever I happen to be, and India is as familiar as my brothers are to me and I love them--India and my brothers. It takes effort, but my brothers are two unique beings, just like India.

India, thank you for all the lessons you've taught me. The memories you brought into my life are the jewels I will never find anywhere else. You've certainly left footsteps on my heart. I hope you liked the way I punched and embraced you. 

That's what I did to my brothers, with love and all. 

                   Cheeky love to all.